Of agony aunts & crushes
by fallen-forgotten-faith
Summary: Maybe one day Sasuke WILL write to an agony aunt instead of posting stuff on his blog. Which his horde of fangirls have read.& they're gonna keep guessing. SasuNaru.
1. Chapter 1

**_Of agony aunts & crushes_**

_Dear Kelly,_

_I…_

_I…._

_I'm bi. Well, no, not really. Maybe I'm gay. Or straight._

_Damn, I don't know!_

Uchiha Sasuke didn't _do_ letters.

Especially letters addressed to a particular agony aunt named Kelly who answered mail from helpless, desperate, NEEDY teen girls.

Uchiha Sasuke was _not_ a helpless, desperate, needy teen girl. And the reason why he bought the magazine was because Keira Knightley was on the cover, not because there was an article on how to attract your crush.

Yes, he had a HUGE crush on Keira Knightley. He was a perfectly straight 13-year-old.

Albeit a little horny & secretly perverted at times, but still. A normal boy by all means.

At least, on the outside.

Uchiha Sasuke was a great actor. He could lie with a straight face.

He could pretend to be too busy for girls, or simply asexual.

Uchiha Sasuke kept a blog. He didn't tell people the address, though, because he knew there'd be a million hits by the end of the day & the entire thingo would crash.

He didn't post much on it. Random details about the day, some thoughts thrown in here & there…

But there would always be a reference to a certain someone.

**All it took was an accidental glance & you turned into my full-time obsession. **

_**The difference between you & my fangirls:**_

_**My fangirls make me pissed.**_

_**You make me pissed, but you also make me happy.**_

Stuff like that.

Of course, he knew that blogs were meant to be public.

But he figured no one could ever find out, & so never bothered to restrict it to private viewing.

Ah… that in itself was a HUGE mistake.

Because by the end of the day, after he posted for only the second time, there were already a million hits.

T.B.C 

I'll continue this only if you guys like it! (:

This is kinda what happened to me…I posted about my crush, thinking no one would read my blog, and the next week, stuff about me had spread around.

Ah well.

Review please :D


	2. Chapter 2

"I bet it's Ryoko he likes. I think I saw him _smile_ at her once," whispered a random girl to her friend.

"No, it's definitely Sakura. She spends the most time with him, the lucky bitch," her friend replied enviously, glaring at a certain pink-haired girl, who was giggling to herself just a short distance away. "See, she looks so damn happy."

Just then, Ino came marching up to them & proudly announced that SHE was the one Sasuke had his eye on. "I guess I annoy him at times," she admitted, rolling her eyes, "but at least I make him happy too! I just _know_ I'm the girl he's referring to!"

Immediately after Ino's _amazingly modest_ declaration, Sasuke strolled into the classroom, nonchalant as usual. The fangirls stared at him as they always did, but this time there was a determined aura emanating from every single one of them. Who was the mystery girl Sasuke liked? They would get the answer…or die trying.

Ino bravely approached a blank-faced Sasuke the minute he sat down at his seat (which was next to a certain blonde) and decided now wasn't the time to be shy. "Sasuke-kun…" she drawled, "do you have anything to say to me? To confess maybe?"

Sasuke shot her a death glare.

"Well then, I'll just come right out with it. Sasuke. Am I the girl you were referring to on your blog?"

Sasuke's eyes widened, but he remained calm. "My blog? How do you know I have a blog?" he demanded.

"Oh, Sasuke-kun…" Ino smiled innocently. "It was really very simple. I just Yahoo!-ed your name. Took me some time to find it, seeing as your name appears in every single fangirl's blog. And I knew no boy would dare to pretend to post under YOUR name, so it really had to be yours, right? Then word got out…somehow." She sighed softly, and shrugged. "But at least you don't have to keep it a secret anymore."

Now Sasuke was seriously pissed. Was Ino ASSUMING that she was that mystery person? "Wait a minute. You're not that person, okay? That person is tall & tanned and you're not. That person is-" He was cut off by Naruto's arrival.

Uzumaki Naruto. Tall, tanned and in track. Unpopular with the girls, but pretty okay with the guys. Best friend- cum- rival-cum-crush of Uchiha Sasuke.

"Yo, teme." Naruto greeted with a raised hand.

"Dobe." He nodded in acknowledgement.

"Anou, Sasuke-kun, you haven't answered my question…!" Ino pouted, in an attempt to act cute. The rest of the fangirls were crowding around her, eager to hear the answer. That person was…

Sasuke smirked. "I just did."

Ino blinked & shook her head. "Uh…gomen, Sasuke-kun, but … the last word you said was dobe."

"That's the answer to your question."

With that one sentence, Sasuke single-handedly caused an entire pack of fangirls to collapse like dominoes (not exactly a pretty sight, especially for Iruka-sensei who happened to walk in at that moment) & at the same time, came out of the closet.

"Ne, Sasuke…" Naruto poked Sasuke with a pencil. "What question?"

_Dear Kelly,_

_What should I do if I just told all my fangirls who I liked?_

_Worse, what should I do if it's my best friend that I like? _

_Who, by the way, is a guy._

_A very straight 13-year-old. _

_Oh…any idea how to resuscitate 20-odd heartbroken fangirls who collapsed on the classroom floor this morning?_

Well, hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. (:

I'm off to UK for a drama trip! Any one of you reviewers are from Bristol? Haha.

Anyway, I'll be back on the 17th, so I'll probably update this fic then! See you guys!

Review please :D


	3. Chapter 3

Iruka-sensei sighed. "Sasuke…what have you done this time?"

"Um…I pushed Ino & Naruto helped me! And uh, domino effect, see?" Sasuke waved a hand at the pile of unconscious fangirls near him.

"Wha –" spluttered innocent Naruto, but was silenced with shock when Sasuke grabbed his wrist tightly and pulled him out of the classroom.

"We'll punish ourselves by standing outside!" yelled an eerily cheery Sasuke over his shoulder to Iruka-sensei, who just shook his head in response. Kids nowadays.

"Okay, I'm sorry for doing that." Sasuke said, letting go of Naruto's now-red wrist.

Naruto rubbed his wrist and pouted. "Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Resorting to lying, & dragging your dear friend out for no apparent reason & _then_ apologizing. May I know just **what the hell** we're doing outside of class instead of **in** it?" He grumbled.

"I have something to tell you…just…don't freak out."

Naruto snorted. "And you couldn't just tell me in class? Or pass a note or whatever?"

"I like someone." Sasuke blurted out, and instantly his face was flushed.

"No surprise there. I always knew you couldn't possibly be immune to crushes. Who is it?" Naruto asked, seemingly nonchalant. "Ino? Sakura?"

"Er…no."

"Oh." There was a moment of awkward silence, as Sasuke thought of ways to confess & Naruto tried to name the weird feeling that was in his stomach.

He knew.

Yes, Naruto could sense it. Sasuke's eyes gave it all away. They pleaded, 'please don't hate me for this'. And all those smirks, inside jokes, insults, glares & stares… meant something.

"It's me, isn't it?" he whispered, out of disbelief and confusion.

Sasuke's eyes widened.

And he laughed.

"Oh my sh… Naruto! I'm straight, damn it! Oh man…you thought I was gay? And that I liked you? What the…oh my hell, Naruto, you're one heck of a joker."

And he laughed and laughed till the tears formed in his eyes.

But the laughter was fake; empty, just an echo.

And the tears weren't tears of laughter, but sadness as he watched Naruto's expression flicker from serious to hurt to deceptively happy.

Naruto was smiling. "Yeah, I knew that. Sorry, man."

Sasuke sighed. "It's okay."

"So…who is it that you like?" Naruto questioned, just as the bell rang and they were about to go back into class for the next period.

"…Sakura."

_Dear Kelly,_

_I hate myself._

_I screwed up so badly. What was supposed to be a confession ended up hurting him._

_My best friend…and my crush._

_Worse, I told a lie. I told him I had a crush on Sakura, a girl that he's liked since…forever._

_And once word gets out, I'm probably going to have to date her so things don't get suspicious._

_I am NOT looking forward to that._

_HELP!!! _

Ugh….I hate it when I have to throw in angst. It'll probably come in the next chapter or so.

But I will NOT make Sasuke kiss Sakura! Absolutely not.

Don't really like this chapter…ah well.

Thanks for reading…(:


	4. Chapter 4

For the next few days, all anyone could talk about was Sakura & Sasuke and their absolutely unexpected "hook-up".

The fangirls were burning with hatred, whilst the guys couldn't care less. Naruto, however, DID CARE. His best friend was going out with his crush! How pathetic could life get?

And apparently, tonight was their first date.

Sasuke wondered if he was secretly a masochist, for having gotten himself into this mess with Sakura.

To make things worse, he & Naruto had to squeeze past each other occasionally just to get out of their row, and…well. His thoughts tended to wander.

Tonight…he'd probably have to reveal the truth to Sakura. He couldn't really be bothered about her feelings right now. Sometimes, in order to be with the one you love, you really have to break a few hearts.

Outside Sakura's house 

Ramen, then a nice little walk back home.

Wonderfully simple and romantic.

Surely Sakura would be satisfied. But then again, Sasuke could have hired a gang to beat her up in front of him, then personally tossed her into a sea of rubbish, & she wouldn't have minded.

He rang the doorbell. No sweaty palms, no spritzing of breath freshener…heck, what did bad breath matter? Not that he had bad breath, mind you.

A second later, Sakura opened the door, a grin on her face.

"Fast reaction" were the first two words that came out of Sasuke's mouth.

Sakura sighed. She was expecting the usual first-date greeting of "you look beautiful/amazing/insert similar word here" ,

"Well, let's go then!" she exclaimed chirpily, & grabbed his arm. "C'mon!"

And Sasuke, rather despising the touch of Sakura's hand on his arm, just kept quiet and allowed himself to be dragged.

After a delightfully silent meal of ramen 

He'd suggested walking home for the exercise ("And besides, we walked here, didn't we, so we can very well walk back") , and she'd agreed. But first… "let's stop by the park."

He shot her a suspicious glance, but assured himself that Sakura was an innocent girl. She couldn't be _that_ desperate to have him, could she?

Oh yes, she could.

He chewed on his lip. Okay. If she offered herself to him, reject immediately.

If she persisted & even resorted to flinging her entire self onto him, peel her off and run.

Good. Two plans. Sasuke was truly well-prepared.

Sakura led him to a dark spot, and smiled. " Close your eyes, Sasuke-kun."

Hmm. Well, he could be sure she wasn't going to flash.

There was a slight rustling noise (he assumed she was digging in her purse for after-dinner mints or something) and he felt lips shyly meeting his own.

Oh great…could he push her away or something? Would that be too rude?

But the kiss slowly progressed from a shy peck to a slow one he had to admit he rather enjoyed. Sakura moved closer, and…

WAIT A MINUTE.

What the hell was that he felt pressed up against him? A very flat chest, indeed, and a…

He opened his eyes in shock and was greeted with the sight of bright blonde hair. Not pink…not pink… he quickly pulled away, and saw Naruto grinning.

"Yo, Sasuke."

Sakura stepped out from behind him and started giggling. "We fangirls came up with this…you know, to help you guys get together. It was so obvious you two were in denial! And when I told Naruto in the afternoon, he agreed. Sorry, Sasuke-kun."

Sasuke blushed.

No freaking way.

"Well..."

"How about another kiss for the fangirls?" Sakura interrupted, and whipped out a camera.

"Okay!" Naruto said excitedly, and pulled Sasuke in for another kiss.

_Dear Kelly…((:_

_Everything's fine. Just that… we're not sure who should be top & who should be bottom. _

_Maybe you could tell me?_

DONE! I AM FINALLY DONE! YAY:DD

Thanks to all who reviewed, sorry for the long wait… (:

If anyone wishes to discuss views on homosexuality, please send me a PM or something! I love talking to like-minded people!

Hope you liked the fic & yeah…thanks once again!


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